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Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more
about your foe than 18
years of dealing with him across a desk. ~Grantland Rice
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf
players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~John Updike
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when
one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd
If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf
would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more
complicated than that. ~Gardner Dickinson
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf.
I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you
get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. ~Will Rogers
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club,
they'd starve to death. ~Sam Snead
Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~William Wordsworth
What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight
of a good drive. ~Arnold Palmer
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see
him laughing. ~Phyllis Diller
Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was
called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour. ~Author Unknown
If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things
with a stick, hit things with a stick. But there's no excuse for combining
the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an
insult to lawns. ~National Lampoon
The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice
for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for
front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is
baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The
sport
of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in
the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ~Author Unknown
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. ~Dean Martin
Golf is a good walk spoiled. ~Mark Twain
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. ~G.K. Chesterton
If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of
you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it
up. ~Tommy Bolt
Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when
he makes a hole in one. ~Author Unknown
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author
Unknown
I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up
sliced. ~Author Unknown
I've spent most of my life golfing... the rest I've just wasted. ~Author
Unknown
They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
~Raymond Floyd
My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a
flagstick on top.. ~Pete Dye
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think
they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop
I'm hitting the woods just great... but having a terrible time getting out
of them! ~Author Unknown
I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators.
~Gerald Ford
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did
it in one afternoon on the golf course. ~Hank Aaron
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.
~Paul Harvey
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. ~Tiger Woods
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard
cues were allowed on the putting green. ~Ernest Hemingway
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep
the clubs and the fresh air. ~Jack Benny
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? ~Al Boliska
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy
Graham
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are
inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf
swing. ~Ben Hogan
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the
ball. Repeat
until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end. ~Chuck Hogan
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf
ball. ~Jack Lemmon
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play. ~Joe E.
Lewis
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are
still rolling. ~Mark Twain
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements
ill adapted for the purpose. ~Woodrow Wilson
A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible. ~Author Unknown
Gone golfin'... be back dark thirty. ~Author Unknown
Born to golf. Forced to work. ~Author Unknown
My body is here, but my mind has already teed off. ~Author Unknown
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
~Jimmy DeMaret
May thy ball lie in green pastures... and not in still waters. ~Author
Unknown
If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If
I hit
it straight, it's a miracle. ~Author Unknown
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve
your lie. ~George Deukmejian
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