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Secrets of Golf
1. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a
much earlier age.
2. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% metal.
3. Error must go somewhere. If your driver is hot, your putter is ice
cold;
if you can hit your irons, you will top your woods, if you are keeping
your
right elbow tucked in, your head will come up.
4. The secret of golf is, use your real swing to take the big divot, use
your practice swing to make the shot, and always hit the do-over first.
5. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is
actually
the beginning of the next group of three.
6. When you look up and cause an awful shot you will always look down
again
at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you
ever
want to see it again.
7. You can hear thunder a hundred miles away when you're three holes
down
with three to play.
8. Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at
all.
9. Whatever you think you're doing wrong is the one thing you're doing
right.
10. No matter how badly you are playing, it is always possible to play
worse.
11. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind
during
your swing.
12. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit
one
more club or two more balls.
13. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the
foursome
ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can
immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and
top a ball halfway there.
14. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his
ideas
about the golf swing.
15. The less intelligent the player, the more certain he is to offer
insights into the mental side of the game.
16. It if ain't broke, try changing your grip.
17. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination
of
the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for
all
your errors.
18. Golfers who claim they never cheat also lie.
19. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
20. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
21. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10.
22. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is
like
expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
23. Never leave your opponent with the sole responsibility for thinking
of
all the things that might go wrong with his shot.
24. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
25. It's not a gimme if you're still away.
26. Nothing straightens out a nasty slice quicker than a sharp dogleg to
the right.
27. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a
straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large
tree.
28. It's often necessary to hit a second drive to really appreciate the
first one.
29. There are two kinds or bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the
way you meant to play it.
30. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch
90%
of the time.
31. A stroke does not occur unless it is observed by more than one
golfer.
32. 99.99% of all matter is empty space, but that last .01% will stop a
golf ball dead.
33. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two
triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
34. It's always winter somewhere.
35. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try
to
lay up just short of a water hazard.
36. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed
of
his backswing by his handicap. Example: backswing 20 mph, handicap 15,
downswing 600 mph.
37. Knowing the swing weight of your club is as indispensable to playing
good golf as knowing the temperature of the grass in the fairway.
38. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the
top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have,
and
which one is wearing the glove.
39. A two-foot putt counts the same as a two-foot drive.
40. It's a simple matter to keep your ball in the fairway if you're not
too
choosy about which fairway.
41. Hazards attract; fairways repel.
42. For most golfers, the only difference between a one-dollar ball and
a
three-dollar ball is two dollars.
43. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but
no
golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
44. The frequency with which balls are lost increases as the available
supply decreases.
45. No putt ever got longer as the result of a ball being marked.
46. An extra ball in the pocket is worth two strokes in the bush.
47. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
48. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball
is
in the bunker.
49. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
50. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
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